On the other hand
Minced Metaphors
We’ve made it to the end of the week, so it’s time to lighten the mood with mangled metaphors, idioms, and other valiant-but-failed attempts at figurative language. Having said that, the results are inadvertent yet successful attempts at levity, jocularity, and generally increased levels of dopamine.
I destroy and recombine perfectly serviceable metaphors, idioms, and other innocents on a regular basis. Because I collect others’ with glee, I know I’m not alone.
I’ve heard them called malaphors and malaprops, but I strongly disagree with using malaprop as any part of a description; first, because the term is ill-applied in an ironic twist (malaprops are intentional attempts to sound grand); and second, because mal itself, meaning “bad” is simply untrue—fun with words cannot be bad!
I’d go for something like risiphor or ridiphor, using the Latin risus, past participle of ridere "to laugh," meaning "laughable, capable of exciting laughter, comical" + pherein "to carry, bear" (from PIE root *bher- (1) "to carry," also "to bear children"). The result? “bearing laughter offspring.” Perfect!
As a bonus, who could resist saying, “That is patently risiphorous!” or “Another great ridiphor, Robin!”
Although it bothers some who actually get these expressions right, the endless combinations that the rest of us come up with deserve a wide-girthed mirth berth.
And, even though these might technically appear to be…well…mistakes, I think they show a lack of rigidity at worst, and a creative brilliance at best. In fact, an utterance combining more than two original elements is golden in my book. As my daughter used to say when she was but a wee sass, “Mom, that tickles my timbers!”
Happily, it’s genetic.
Hand: a prehensile, multi-fingered appendage located at the end of the forearm or forelimb of primates such as humans, chimpanzees, monkeys, and lemurs.
The human hand has an assortment of muscles, ligaments, and tendons on a scaffolding of 27 bones.
The verb lets us transfer something by way of these convenient appendages: as Steven Wright once quipped, “Hand me that piano.”
Things which are useful to us, we describe as handy.
Humans like to consider ourselves superior to other life forms in having an opposable thumb, using tools, opening locks, and solving puzzles—but so far I think we’ve only managed to make a big mess with our ostensibly higher intelligence.
Happily, however, we can howl at how we hand out half-witted hilarious hijinks and handy harebrained humor.
One hand scratches the other.
Don’t bite the hand that knows what the left hand is doing.
I’m an old hand at new wrinkles.
I got it straight from the handshake.
Finger-pointing is a mixed message.
Thank you for hangin’ loose at the Verbihund Café!
Ways to support the love of learning and language; each one is appreciated!
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"Finger-pointing is a mixed message"! I make a gesture of crossing my arms and pointing my index fingers in opposite directions to indicate that people are playing the blame game.