Give the devil a dictionary, part II
Sunday Essay
Good Sunday to you!
Because Wednesday’s post ended up being an essay, today’s will be what should have been the Midweek Mélange. Switchy-changey.
The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce is a reference I cannot live without.
In the first installment (linked above), we laughed and cringed at selected entries; today we’ll pick up where we left off.
Enjoy!
Kate
MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.
→ Note from Kate: I happen to adore our neighbors to the north, so please take this in the spirit in which Mr. Bierce intended, and leave me out of it!
ME, pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three.
MENDACIOUS, adj. Addicted to rhetoric.
MISFORTUNE, n. The kind of fortune that never misses.
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
OBSOLETE, adj. No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer, but if it is a good word and has no exact modern equivalent equally good, it is good enough for the good writer. Indeed, a writer's attitude toward "obsolete" words is as true a measure of his literary ability as anything except the character of his work. A dictionary of obsolete and obsolescent words would not only be singularly rich in strong and sweet parts of speech; it would add large possessions to the vocabulary of every competent writer who might not happen to be a competent reader.
OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man—who has no gills.
OMEN, n. A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.
OPPORTUNITY, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious yoke.
OUTDO, v.t. To make an enemy.
OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.
PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action.
PASSPORT, n. A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.
PATIENCE, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
PERIPATETIC, adj. Walking about. Relating to the philosophy of Aristotle, who, while expounding it, moved from place to place in order to avoid his pupil's objections. A needless precaution—they knew no more of the matter than he.
PLAN, v.t. To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard. A fossil sentiment in artificial rock. A moral without the fable. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A demi-tasse of milk-and-mortality. The Pope's-nose of a featherless peacock. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. The cackle surviving the egg. A desiccated epigram.
PORTUGUESE, n. pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
POSITIVE, adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Stay tuned for the next installment!
Thank you for pitching in at the Verbihund Café!
Ways to support the love of language; each one is appreciated!
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Be still my beating heart! Bierce has taken snark and transformed it into high art.
PATIENCE, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
My favorite for today....
and for tomorrow ...Platitude: A thought that snores in words that smoke.