Empathy is Also a Sword
Sunday Missive
For today’s post, I reached back into the archive for a bit of holiday help. I wrote and posted this piece almost one year ago on January 7, 2024, and find it even more relevant now.
I wish you all the holiday help in every way you can find it, together with more naps, less stress, more hot chocolate, and quiet peace of mind.
Be well,
~Kate
The Cambridge Dictionary defines empathy as:
noun the ability to share someone else's feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person's situation
The word originated from the nineteenth century German philosopher, Rudolf Lotze:
1908, modeled on German Einfühlung (from ein "in" + Fühlung "feeling"), which was coined 1858 by German philosopher Rudolf Lotze (1817-1881) as a translation of Greek empatheia "passion, state of emotion," from assimilated form of en "in…+ pathos "feeling" (from PIE root *kwent(h)- "to suffer").
A term from a theory of art appreciation that maintains appreciation depends on the viewer's ability to project his personality into the viewed object.
In our current use of the term empathy, we automatically apply the term as the ability to understand another’s emotional state by “stepping into their shoes.” This is fine as far as it goes; however, in early usage, it was applied far more to cognitive and so-called mirror states based on neural perception. This allowed one to, for example, appreciate art by mirroring the ability to see it through vision, hearing, touch, or other physical senses, which helped interpret what the painter, musician, or sculptor meant to communicate.
The idea of empathy further developed into the ability of one person to perceive the state of mind of another, or a low-level type of “mind reading.”
In an examination of Empathy, the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy states:
Simulation theorists, however, insist that even more complex forms of understanding other agents involve resonance phenomena that engage our cognitively intricate capacities of imaginatively adopting the perspective of another person and reenacting or recreating their thought processes.
It was not until the 1950s that the emphasis on emotional interpretation took hold as the default approach to the word.
I find the earlier concept of understanding the minds and thoughts of others fascinating, because that is the part of the word that I have recently discovered to be an essential ingredient in applying empathy as far more than an emotional appreciation and understanding of others. Intellectual or rational application of other-mindedness has immediate and practical value, particularly in our polarized circumstances.
I was involved in formal mediation between an employer and labor union, a step following the breakdown of direct negotiations between the parties, and for which a formal and usually binding legal process ensues.
One of the intractable points that created a breakdown in negotiations was the employer’s proposal to convert the Christmas Eve holiday to the Juneteenth federal holiday, and use a floating holiday for Christmas Eve. Overall, the number of holidays and floating holidays remained the same. Nevertheless, the union continued to argue that they were being denied a holiday, and that it was unfair.
When presenting the issue in mediation, there was debate about 12 holidays versus eleven, floaters versus recognized holidays, and voices started to ramp up over who couldn’t do simple math, who didn’t know whether 11 was less than or equal to 12, new math, old math, and what the word holiday meant. Worse, the volume kept rising because it became personal between the people in the room; politics had entered the fray with words like “wokeness,” “family values,” religion, immigrants, and snowflakes, and all kinds of insults were thrusted and parried.
The mediator, after listening to this, stood up and said:
“What I am hearing from labor is that, if Christmas Eve is no longer a designated holiday, employees are afraid their managers won’t approve it as a floating holiday for random reasons, so they risk not being able to spend it with their families. In addition, there is skepticism about who gets assigned to work that day and why, and managers not accepting shift trade requests.
What I am hearing from management is that, since Juneteenth is a federal holiday and Christmas Eve is not, they want to align the calendar to recognize the significance of Juneteenth. They are not removing a holiday, but shifting an already bargained non-assigned floater that can be used for Christmas Eve, if desired.”
The union said, “Correct.”
The employer said, “Correct.”
She called for a short break. When everyone had returned, she projected the following from her laptop:
Managers will approve all requests for Christmas Eve, December 24th, PTO for non-essential workers, using the floating holiday.
The definition of essential worker as defined in Article __ , section __ will be used.
Beginning in 2025, essential workers will be scheduled to work December 24th beginning with the least senior in each classification.
Essential employees may volunteer to work December 24th.
No essential employee will be scheduled to work December 24th more than one year in a row, and managers will henceforth begin scheduling on an annual rotation with the least senior member.
Essential workers assigned to work December 24th may trade shifts with anyone in the appropriate classification, if agreeable to both, and will inform managers no less than three (3) weeks in advance.
Managers will approve all shift trades properly requested according to the language in Article __ , section __ .
This language will be incorporated into the CBA (Collective Bargaining Agreement), not as an MOU (Memorandum of Understanding), and will be grievable.
“Any questions? Caucus?”
Silence.
Raised eyebrows, sidelong glances, shrugs, small nods.
Union: “Sounds good to us.”
Employer: “We can live with that.”
Like Alexander the Great cutting through the Gordian Knot, she had sliced right through the problem.
One of the major sticking points standing in the way of the two sides reaching agreement had been a combination of misunderstanding, mistrust, and miscommunication.
The mediator applied her knowledge of what each side was really objecting to, even though none of the union representatives had been able to articulate it, and none of the labor relations staff had moved beyond the total number of holidays staying the same.
The mediator put herself mentally in the position of an employee, and quickly realized it wasn’t about Juneteenth, or family Christmas Eve traditions, or how many total holidays there were, or anything other than the loss of their perception of control over tradition.
She also understood the point of view of the employer that it was not about an extra holiday or floater, or the inability of the union to count them. It was the frustration of the inability of the union to see that they were not losing a holiday at all. It was also the anxiety of agreeing to anything that was portable across the other 26 bargaining units, whose contracts were also being negotiated, and who would be clamoring for a “me too” to any concession made to this group.
Alexander’s approach to untying the complicated knot wasn’t emoting the anxiety of others who had failed, but imagining what no one else had. Likewise, the mediator’s empathy made short work of this seemingly intractable disagreement not because of her understanding of the emotional states of the parties—those were palpable to everyone in the room. It was her empathic skill in cutting through the Sturm und Drang by imagining the point of view from each side.
The ability to penetrate what is really behind differences is nothing new. It is a skill learned through time, experience, and practice. It is regularly used by parents, teachers, officers in community policing, corrections, therapists, social workers, judges, pastors, diplomats: in short, everywhere there is someone working to help resolve conflict.
Deliberately and intentionally broadening the definition of empathy to encompass states of mental, physical, spiritual, cultural, social, economic, intellectual, and experiential being, as well as emotional being, is nothing short of transformative.
Thank you for reading Verbihund Café!
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This takes me back to my working days. The work of the mediator you outlined is a thing of beauty to behold.