It’s a bird!
It’s a plane!
It’s…absoflippinlutely nothing!
I have a serious problem with rubbish language. I detest made-up garbage which means nothing, except in the hopeful pitches of some sad marketing wonk, toiling away at a gray corporate menace, hoping to become a real boy.
Allina, Proviva, Assurant, Integra
These names make me want to hork up a hairball. Who decided these were good ideas? They don’t tell you anything. When pronounced, they have a distasteful feathery fog of emotional manipulation in their suggestiveness.
In writing, they either look like typos (excuse me, did you mean assurantce?), or the awkward confluence of a new drug, uncertain app, AI, healthcare system, and wannabe association with something positive.
Notice they all begin with the suggestion of a good thing…being affirmed, prosperous, true (ver-), sunny (sol-), inspired, enlightened, comforted, or full of integrity.
They are full of it, all right.
Proverity
Enfoldant
Affirma
Insperiti
Verifyance
Affilia
Embrasa
Circulance
Intelliful
Defina
Solanify
Essentia
Benvero
Allanza
Spectrance
Inspiriti
Some are real, and some I made up in the past two minutes—which just shows how unoriginal, dull, and vapid they are. These bizarre words are bad porridge. Please sir, may I never have any more?
Notice the patterns in how they look and sound.
Notice the words they suggest, but never fully use.
Notice the syllabification and how many end in vowels.
Notice prevalent suffixes like -ful, -y, -ity, -ance.
Notice very few hard consonants, with overwhelmingly soft blends.
What messages are the fabricators trying to slide under the radar, or is it misdirection? Let us wow you with our slick name so maybe you won’t notice our crappy product / poor service / price gouging!
Groups of sounds which suggest a certain mood are called phonesthemes.
Although the theory behind this concept is not accepted by everyone in the field of linguistics, I think it is a fascinating area for exploring the psychology of language.
noun pho·nes·theme, fō-ˈnes-ˌthēm
linguistics
: the common feature of sound occurring in a group of symbolic words
“He points to a 1929 experiment by Edward Sapir in which Sapir's subjects were asked to match nonsense words with small and large versions of the same object. The subjects tended to match words with a high vowel (such as ee) to the small object and those with a low vowel (such as the o in "cot") to the larger object. British linguist J.R. Firth later called these links between sound and meaning ‘phonesthemes.’”—Michael Erard
Like onomatopoeia, a phonestheme deals with how sounds within words convey meaning in language. However, a phonestheme does not directly describe a sound — the connection is more abstract. The term “phonestheme” was coined by a British linguist, J.R. Firth, in his 1930 book Speech. Through his research, Firth concluded that people connected certain sounds to particular word meanings.
“cl-” (describes closing motion): clamp, clasp, clench, cling, clutch
“fl-” (expressing movement): flap, flee, flick, fling, flip, flitter, flow, flutter, fly
“-ash” (to hit or strike): bash, crash, dash, gnash, lash, mash, slash, smash, thrash
“-ump” (round shape or pile): bump, clump, dump, hump, lump, stump
…most modern English words can be traced back to older root words. But these constellations of words don’t all share the same origin language. Why do these phonesthemes group together by sound? It’s not totally arbitrary. Our brains associate certain sounds with specific concepts, and as with onomatopoeia, we use language to explain the world around us and express ourselves.
Think about what comes to mind when you read the above lists of words. The terms “clench,” “flitter,” “smash,” or “clump” aren’t strictly onomatopoeia because they don’t describe a sound. But the sounds in each word help you understand what the speaker is trying to convey.
I apologize in advance, because now you will notice these nothingwords even more than you did before, albeit with more disdain. They are ubiquitous as well as iniquitous.
It could be a decent game though, sort of a reverse life list, as in birding. Instead of starting with a list and trying to find everyone on it, you start with zero, building the list with every new creature you spot.
Sort them into species of your choosing: healthcare, pharmaceutical, cars, insurance, financial planning (excuse me, “wealth management”), laboratory food…
See who can collect the most, or categorize by root words, suffixes, syllables, phonesthemes, first letters, or creepiest Stepford-sounding nightmares.
Ponder what psychological effects, emotional manipulation, and actions these frankenwords were designed to have on you.
Take pleasure in knowing that you’ve outwitted their lame attempts to do so, because you are just smarter!
As always, thank you for stopping by the Verbihund Café to fill up on word fuel!
My gratitude to all those who have subscribed, whether paid or not, and who read, engage, comment, contribute wonderful ideas, encourage each other, bring life to the community, and continue to make this a fun place to be! - Kate
Ideas to share the magic of words and language~
a paid subscription
a free subscription
restack this post
send to a friend
share on social media
Allina is a midwestern healthcare beast which was in the news about a year ago for refusing care to patients who had an unpaid balance above a certain threshold. 🤨
Just horked.